The Weight of it at Times!

Wow, how long has it been since I last posted on this?? Does anyone read it or follow it anymore? Either way, my heart wants to write today.

Most of the time, being in China is so great and I cannot imagine myself anywhere else or doing anything else. I am so thankful for my life here: family, team, friends, deep and deepening relationships with students and teachers, seeing people grow and mature.... The list goes on.

However, there are times when it is extremely hard. Times like now when I am sitting looking out the window at a beautiful blue sky and a sunny day knowing that a huge storm is churning in the Atlantic ocean heading for the southeastern part of the US where my parents are having to wait for it seemingly alone.  It may seem that they are alone, but they are far from it. They are NEVER alone with our loving Father watching over them and protecting them.

I know that is true, and my heart believes it with everything in me, yet, here I sit fretting about what will happen and mad at myself for not being able to be there. This almost feels like a "rubber meets the road" experience.

Do I really trust the Father? Do I really believe He placed me here knowing that my parents might need me from time to time and I cannot be there? Do I doubt that He would make a way for me to be there if needed? Do I really know in my heart that He is faithful even when I don't know how a storm will turn or what the results will be? Do I really honestly believe that my family is in His hands and say, "YOU are faithful! You made the wind, and it obeys YOU and You alone. We can't predict or control it or even make it go away, but YOU do, and You alone have power to speak it into and out of existence. What you choose to do is up to You. My joy is to obey, trust and remember that You and You alone are all powerful, all knowing, all loving, all faithful...."?

Without a shadow of a doubt! There is great peace in that even in the middle of a storm.

I want to. I long to. I am choosing to even though my emotions keep trying to get the best of me. The same One who told me to come to China all those years ago is the SAME who is keeping me here and showing me that He is in control of my family back in America.

So, here I am, reading this over and thinking, please Father, keep my family in Your hands and protect them along with the millions of others that are in the path of this hurricane. You know each of their hearts and what they need. Please Father, show them your great mercy in whatever way seems best to You. You alone are God.

If I can't carry it for you, maybe I can carry you...

As I think through all the words that could come to mind to sum up in a very large nutshell what this year has been for me, I think I would have to choose “burden”. Actually, this has not been so much related to my own lot, but rather the lot of those around me. I have been stunned by the hurt of people that the Father has placed in and around my life. I ache with them and hurt with them and long to walk beside them and help carry the burden - even though I wish I could just take it away. 

I feel burdened for the friends who feel like many are standing around them holding stones to throw. I want to scream “LOOK UP, everyone is gone and NOBODY stands by who is able to condemn. Even Jesus is saying that your sins are forgiven and you are loved immensely.” 

I feel burdened for the friends going down hard paths because of the choices of those closest to them. I want to scram “you are not alone. There are others who have walked this road and they understand your pain so much more than I ever could. Cling to the Healer and others who have not only walked through by have overcome.” 

I feel burdened for the friends who face so many unknowns in life, marriage and the future. I feel burdened for the friend who is suffering with cancer and doesn’t have a peace that passes all understanding. I feel burdened for the friends who feel lonely and believe they don’t have anyone to talk to or trust. I feel burdened for the lost who walk day in and day out without hope for the future - both for this life and the one to come. I feel burdened for the friends who think they have it all together and that they control their own destiny. I feel burdened for the precious friends who feel betrayed by people they trusted. The list goes on and on. I feel burdened for so many - my heart aches. 

Then I realize that as burdened as I feel and as much as I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it all better, Jesus loves these friends more than I could ever possibly hope to even if I were to live a hundred lifetimes. 

He tells us to take our burdens to Him, but He also gives us community and friends to help with this process. I find that so many times our burdens are too heavy for us to carry alone. We can’t even find the strength to stand up under them much less carry them.… Then along comes a friend who may be carrying a burden of her own, yet she stops and helps me carry mine and I am able to help her carry hers, and together we bring our junk to Jesus. He may not take it all away or instantly make it all better, but He gives us all that we need for this life and to live in it in a godly way. I can’t do that, but He can. 

I don’t have to understand the pain to walk with others through theirs. I don’t have to make it go away to help carry it to Jesus. I don’t have to offer empty promises to offer hope. I don’t have to understand or even know all the details to help bring people to forgiveness. I don’t have to do anything apart from loving and caring for these people that God puts in my life. 

I want to be a catalyst for bringing people closer to the One who fully knows them, their needs and their issues - and I am in need of people willing to do that in my life as well. 

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28 ESV

  

If Only I Had Their Zeal...

I was watching my son watch Dora. He was on the couch on all fours with this huge goofy grin on his face waiting with eager anticipation to see what Dora's map would say and what would come out of her backpack. His zeal for watching Dora is so strong that when I told him he had to take a nap before he could watch an episode, he put himself to bed!

When was the last time I had that kind of drive and anticipation about anything worth getting worked up over? When is the last time I asked the Father for something and when He told me I had to wait, I eagerly did what would normally made me fuss and complain because I knew it would get me closer to the "now" moment?

My son, just like many three year old little boys, is obsessed with Thomas the Train, but for some reason, Dora wins out at times. When he has that tunnel vision for Dora, not even Thomas can turn his head. Anything other than Dora, and we only have one Dora video to choose from, is met with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

When was the last time I was so focused on what I have been called to do that the momentary pleasures of this world paled in comparison to what He had in store for my life?

Sometimes I watch my children enjoy little pleasures like ice-cream, and you would think that frozen dessert held special powers. They savor it until it is nothing more than a puddle of sweetness at the bottom of the bowl. The world dissapears and all that matters is that chocolate treasure.

When was the last time I delighted myself in the Lord with that kind of savoring bliss? Where I sat at His feet because no matter how much time it took, I was going to enjoy the moment. Where everything vanishes and all I see is my Savior.

It seems like watching my children enjoy the simple pleasures in life has opened my eyes to how much time I spend on the mundane without treasuring anything. I stop in the middle of a movie during the major climax and feel THAT is the moment I need to clean the kitchen. I find myself doing the same thing with quiet times and devotional moments. I am quick to check the box, but slow to let it seep into my thinking.
I want to sit on the edge of the couch waiting for what the Lord has to say to me. I want to focus my attention on His Word and what He has to say to me. I want to drink in His presence and savor the sweetness of his grace, forgiveness, love, joy, acceptance, patience, and even his discipline. I want to remember that out of all the moments in life, the ones with Him are the only ones worth anything.

As we prepare for going back to China, I am thinking about what life will be like on the other side of the ocean. I want to live intentionally and make the moments count. I don't want to look back and say, "what happened"?

What about you? What are you doing and learning about life right now?

Third Culture Kids - nothing is wasted

I remember the first time I went to China. I felt scared and excited and eager and incompetent all wrapped up in one nice package. I didn't understand what people were saying to me, and I certainly didn't know what to say back. I was lost in a sea of Chinese, and I didn't know what was happening around or to me most of the time.

I remember the first time I looked at my first child. I felt scared and excited and eager and incompetent all wrapped up in one nice package. I didn't understand what this little person was saying (crying) to me, and I certainly didn't know what to say back. I was lost in a sea of unknown, and I didn't know what was happening around to or in me most of the time. 

Yet...

As I grew to know and understand China, the Chinese people and language better, I developed a love for a people and place that will be forever seared on my heart.  It was hard work, but the work was worth all the effort. I don't always get it right, and I still don't always understand, but I have learned how to enjoy the journey. 

As I grow to know and understand my children, and their needs better, I have developed a love for these little people that is forever seared on my heart. It is terribly hard work, but the work is worth all the effort. I don't always get it right, and I still don't always understand, but I am learning how to enjoy the journey. 

So...

As I raise my little ones in a culture that is not fully their own, I am overwhelmed by how the Father has worked. He allowed me to fall in love with the culture before bringing up a family in it. My hope is that my children will develop a love for the nations. No matter where they are sent when they are older, my prayer is that their love for the Father will motivate their every move. I desire for them to see past the color and words and hear the hearts of the people they are serving. 

Therefore...

I need to live my life as an example for them. I need to extend grace to those who may not "deserve" it because it is extended to me who doesn't deserve it either. I need to show love and hospitality to those who might seem awkward because I too am awkward and in need. I need to teach my children to see past what the eyes see and search for what the Father sees in the people we meet. 

And...

That scares me sometimes. I don't always get it right. I don't always portray the image that I want reflected in my children. I don't always have it together with a ribbon on top. 

But...

That's okay. A good friend said something to me once that went a little like this. I won't quote it because I cannot remember exactly how she put it, but the message was that the Father is raising our kids not in spite of our shortcomings but through those shortcomings. Meaning, I don't have to get it right. That gives me hope. 

It is true that nothing is wasted. He uses every piece of the puzzle to make the picture beautiful and complete. I just have to trust that He is doing that in me and in my children. Being in China won't destroy them, I hope. Being out of the Father's will however.... that will crush them. 

As we journey together in this life, may they look back and see not a perfect mom, but an imperfect mom who did her best to reflect the perfect Father. 

Click here to get to Velvet Ashes website.

A Little Update on our Little Ones

Our children are growing faster than we wish they would, but they are all doing quite well as they adjust to being spoiled by grandparents and the other joys of being in the States.

Olivia is attending a homeschool group called Classical Conversations on Monday mornings. We started this in Peoria and found a group in South Carolina where she could continue with the curriculum. She is doing very well, and we are excited that we will be able to do the same curriculum on our own at home when we return to China.

Joel is growing like a weed, but his speech has been quite delayed. In Peoria, we were able to get him started with a speech therapist, and that was extremely helpful. Since then, we found that he needed tubes in his ears and was not hearing things as clearly as he could have been. There has been marked improvement in the short time since the surgery.

Makayla will be six months old on Sunday, and we cannot believe how fast she is growing and developing. Just this past week, she has popped out two little bottom front teeth! She is a sweet baby, and we are enjoying these early days, weeks and months with her.




We are so blessed by our three precious gifts.

We are beginning the process of going back to China this summer. We're excited about returning, though we know that we are also leaving behind family and friends who have invested deeply in our lives. We're thankful for each person, conversation, cup of coffee, listening ear.... What would we do without the Body around us?

Blessings to you, and we hope that during our time in the States we will be able to spend more time chatting with you.

下次见！  (See ya' next time!)

Apple Orchards

Perhaps Fall is my favorite season of all. I love the brilliant colors and how the leaves cascade down in sweet silence. I love the crunch as I walk and feel the wind in my face. The cooler weather brings joy to my heart. Perhaps the best part of all is the harvesting time. Watching the corn fields slowly return to earth and the air being full of sweet sticky apple goodness makes me want to make a pumpkin pie and a cup of coffee.

Recently, we visited an apple orchard in town. We perused the market where there were yummy samples and then we went out to pick a peck of apples. (I didn't even have to make that up.) :)

We had fun and the apples were wonderful! The season has not let me down with the trees and treats and cool breezes! Yeah for FALL!

Olivia also turned 5 this past month! I cannot believe how fast time has flown by. We had a small get together with family and then another little party for her at the park. She had a blast and declared it "her best birthday ever". October 14, yet another reason to love FALL.

再见！See ya later!

Makayla Is Here!

We are happy to announce that Makayla Joy Schmidt was born September 2 at 2:55am at Methodist Hospital in Peoria, Il.
She weighed 7lbs 2.8 oz. and measured 19 inches long.

She is now a month old and doing great. Big sister and brother love her and have welcomed her well. Life is different with three little ones, but it is a great and marvelous journey that the Lord has us on right now.